Nov. 14, 2007

"There Is"

This vacation's useless
These white pills aren't kind
I've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive
I miss the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast
I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
Where I laid and told you, but you swear you loved me more

Do you care if I don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight will you think of me
Will I shake this off, pretend it's all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is

Those notes you wrote me
I've kept them all
I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall
With every single letter in every single word
There will be a hidden message about a boy that
loves a girl

Do you care if I don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight will you think of me
Will I shake this off, pretend it's all okay
that there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight will you think of me
Will I shake this off, pretend it's all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight will you think of me
Will I shake this off, pretend it's all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is

~Boxcar Racer~

~Miker~

Oct 24, 2007

Well... i cant say i feel any better... well maybe in some aspects but im just pulled back down by others... life is never easy, always throws you hurdles... I fell like i disconnected myself from my family... i hide from them... i dont communicate.. They just dont know who i am because i dont let them... Tonight it hurt me to come home at 4am and find my mother sitting in a chair in front of a computer crying... I tried to put positive spin to the situation but there was not much there... But the thing that really got me was i didnt give her a hug... some kind of physical affection... to let her know its okay... What the fuck is wrong with me... have i really pushed myself from everyone so much so i dont feel comfortable hugging my own mother... I just dont know anymore... i have such great intentions and ambitious dreams... but how can a person like me ever complete such things?


............... I suck at being a son, brother, friend, and stranger................

~Miker~

Oct 11, 2007

I dont know what to do... i feel trapped but dont know what by... I think it is just being where i am now... New England i dont like you!.... 2 weeks ago i cut my wrist just to see if i could still bleed... I dont know i guess i was really stressed, depressed, and just really feel like someone shot down my hope and dream... i feel like what i am striving for is no longer there... I will work really hard for the deam i have.. but i just dont see it anymore... Anyways i think i should go just turn myself into a crazy house... I look at my scar and i want to make it bigger... I want to cut it open again... cut it a little bit deeper, let it bleed just a little bit longer... I dont think i want to kill myself... i dont know how to explain this feeling i get from it... i feel less stressed... The pain is sharp and real, its there and blood proves it...

Someone told me i need love... i am the type of person who hates himself... I have a past full of shit and just never seem to be able to escape from my mind... Unless i have someone who i can care about, think about.. then i take care of myself because i guess i am happy...

I just dont want to feel alone anymore... I need some new friends... need something in my life to change... If there is somebody out there who reads my blog... i could use some inspiration, motivation, something i have been on the ground just a little too long...

Sorry i have not posted anything in a while... just feel like everything sucks and is not worthy of posting...

Thanks....

~Miker~

Sept 13, 2007

Well... i am back in USA. I miss Taiwan, I miss my friends, and i miss my job.... I am really working hard to get through school so i can go back fast as possible...

Today i really starting to feel how much i am missing Taiwan. I really love it there and i cant wait to call it my home. Unfortunately right now i have things that i have to do first... School.... I loaded up on classes 7 of them and i have a total of 23 credits... Yes 23 credits.. everybody says i am crazy, i know, thank you. But i like challenges i love to work hard, and i really have something to work hard for...

I cant stop thinking about a girl.. She is in my head and i don't want her to leave, she is keeping me going. I have never met anybody like her and i cant say i ever will again. I miss you!! Now i am only counting the days until i can see her again. I do not expect us to be more than just friends, but i can still hope.

"Sometimes being just friends hurts, but if you truly care you will take the hit."

-J.D. (Scrubs)

This is my life
I might as well live it
Along with the bad times
Just glad to be living
And this is my time
I might as well share it
I'll give you all my money
We live and we die for this

-Early November

~Miker~

Sept 7, 2007

"Little Black Heart"

I've got some deep scars from a little black heart that's miles away
I sent it packing after I saw what it did and I couldn't believe
And now my chest hurts from the hole that I dug, it's getting harder to breathe
I'm really gasping, wishing I could turn back and that would fix everything
For once...

My life
I might as well live it
Along with the bad times
Just happy to be living
So it's my time, I know it sounds selfish
I'm really not like that
We live and we die for this

So now my head hurts and it's only getting worse every time that I think
I feel like choking every time I have to sing, it's getting harder for me
And now my stomach hurts, as long as I'm in love it's so hard to leave
I feel a bad pain moving through my chest and my knees start to shake
My knees start to shake, it's bringing me down

This is my life
I might as well live it
Along with the bad times
Just love to be living
So this is my time
I know it sounds selfish
I think I'll have some ice cream
We live and we die for this

There's one thing missing every time I step outside
One thing missing every time I leave and drive
One thing missing every time I'm far from home
There's one thing missing every time I leave for months
One thing missing every time I lose control
There's one thing missing every time that I stay home

I've got some deep scars from a little black heart that only make me stronger
And now I don't sleep, seeing any relief that gives me some perspective

This is my life
I might as well live it
Along with the bad times
Just glad to be living
And this is my time
I might as well share it
I'll give you all my money
We live and we die for this

-Early November

~Miker~